Xavi's 5am Natter!

I'm starting to think that I'm going a little doolally as it were, as I'm sitting downstairs in the accommodation dining room, after productive revision, multiple coffees, tea, a beer, and no sleep, and I'm feeling a little strangely energetic. Nevertheless, I thought I'd pause from my revision (I'm not encouraging any all nighters just to clarify, in the moment it feels like a good idea... it probably isn't) and do something I haven't really done in a while, which is basically have a chat. That's probably the simplest of ways to put it, this blog started off being fairly chatty, with preparation for Uni, then there was more on books, music, film etc then I started writing more sentimental and advice-giving posts, which is all well and good but after a while, you need a bit of an anticlimax in some sense. So, I'm taking advantage of my current willingness to be scarily productive, and taken into consideration the probability that because of my lack of sleep this week, especially tonight (this morning?, don't really know what to call it, covers both) I am unlikely to be able to write a more intense post like before! Hooray I say! Let's have a breather from crazy 'be happy' posts, or reviews of different things and just have a natter...well I, caffeined up and a little mad will type my ramblings into this post, with the hope someone might be interested, not really a natter, but I notice as I write this that I'm speaking out loud anyway so I guess I'm talking to my laptop?.... No, that's worse than not nattering at all... where does the word natter even come from? Oh well... Cool.... Natter. As you can see, as it is just a natter, there's not a planned structure as such, but you don't meet up with someone and turn up with a 20 minute schedule on what you're gonna talk about now do ya?! ...do you? 25th May and I am becoming more and more excited and more ready for the summer, for when exams are over and uni is paused for 4 months holiday, and I get to enjoy the warmth (presumably, but you never know!) with my friends and just generally relax a bit more! People can say anything about Britain, and its weather, but when it is sunny, and it is a nice day there are some blooming wonderful places to go! The beaches, the countryside, the lakes, and I can guarantee you there's a place outside your door that you haven't explored yet. Explore it. Why? Because you can, and because, for you, it will only exist when you see it, and why deny a place existence if it could hold some of your best future memories? I was always think as well people feel compelled to makes so much of summer, pack so much in, do everything, spend all your money, go to every place you can, which by no means is a bad thing, it's great, summer's meant for that, but strangely some people forget to relax. If what you're doing or have organised to do is causing you too much unneeded stress, then how can you enjoy the summer?! Always give time to relax, grab a beer/cider/pimms/fanta/coke/juice carton/milk/water/ trough water (if you're horse...but then you wouldn't be so forget that). 

There's a strange feeling at Uni at the moment, because it's just revision and minimal lectures/ classes the campus is always a lot quieter, people are not downstairs as much anymore, and the summer term is beginning to show similarities to some apocalyptic event. Revision; The Apocalypse, where nearly everyone looks tired and half-dead and their sensitivity may cause them to snap at you, where most places you go only have a few of these people who occasionally smile, but the majority of the time stay staring into the distance yearning for brains. Of course I'm exaggerating but it is definitely weird, and it's strange to only be here for 6 weeks, but summer terms is giving me chances to think (not always a good idea, so be careful what your brain stumbles upon!) and work out post-graduation things, quite exciting actually. Okay, so that was a strange and completely unorganised post, but you gotta love days like that, can't have a blog being rigid and regimented, it's gotta be fun every once in a while, keep smiling people. 

Being in control and Recycling the negatives.

I'm going to attempt to keep this one fairly brief, because I've touched on these before, but I was re-attaching my posters to my Uni bedroom wall, which seem to just decide every once in a while to be like "Ha! Screw you, I'm gonna jump off the wall and land on your head while you're sleeping" and I read a couple of quotes that made we want to write something. In case you haven't already guessed, the quotes came from the one on the left, not catching fire, although "Remember who the enemy is" makes me smile every time, but we'd be here for days if i started chatting about Catching Fire. Although, my love for the film combined with the fact that this blog is somewhat lacking in film posts probably means a catching fire post will happen. Indefinitely. ANYWAY, the two quotes I like the most on the poster are "Don't wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment, make it perfect." and "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning how to dance in the rain". They're fairly self-explanatory, but both of them emphasise a point that we often seem to disregard as being the truth, which is that, when it comes down to it we are quite heavily in control of our life (putting any thoughts on fate aside for a second). People can often become disheartened by previous life events, or if something in their life doesn't appear to be improving, but on quite a few of these occasions, if people are honest with themselves there is often something that can be done. This something could be a 'moment', a skill, a situation, a feeling etc that, by regaining control, and believing you have the power to take control can be improved on and made 'perfect'. It relates quite well to the second quote, which is why I like them so much together because it's quite understandable and common for people to get stuck in a rut, after being subject to something that appears negative. You get upset, you get angry, you get confused. You become stuck. Being 'stuck' means that it's a little tricky to see everything and you might miss certain things, so if you are 'stuck' then it's best to look for the smaller, less obvious things, because these are often the things that, pardon the oxymoron, can be insignificantly significant. What I mean by that is what at first seems irrelevant to consider or think about may in fact be the key to alleviating the problem and leaving the rut you're in. You look for these things, and allow yourself the ability to get better and that will be your 'dance in the rain'. Recycle the negatives. Take control. Stay in control.

Facing the Future

The future is a huge thing, I mean it applies to literally everyone and everything, it covers a massive variety of things; the future of the world, 1 person, careers, a certain industry, advancements etc. So I guess the title 'Facing the Future' is a little vague, but what I'm defining the future as in this post is career and personal progression. One of the best things about living where I do is most times you can find somewhere at a some point in time that will be completely peaceful and gives you space to think and to breath. One of these places for me is the sea wall by Heybridge Basin (pictured on the left) the walk from my house round the sea wall and back can be between an hour and a half to 2 hours so there's plenty of time to reflect, decide, or just chill.

The other day I'd spent the day with a friend of mine and he lives fairly close to it, so at the end of the day I thought I'd go down there as I hadn't been in a while and I found myself considering the future, and what it means to me. It's always been something that's troubled and worried me, and some of my friends and lets be honest, the majority of the world, which is part of the reason I'm writing about it here. Around my age (19) and basically adolescence to early adulthood the future can be quite a curious thing. Learning new things, discovering hobbies and meeting different friends means its easy for the future to become nothing but a blank canvas, which is good, because really that's the best way of moving forward, filling the canvas with what will make you the happiest. Personally, all the career paths I've wanted to get into (Acting, Directing, Writing) have all been ones that come with their fair share of restrictions and rejections, and the idea of instability. Right now I'm focusing more on becoming a writer, and so using a couple of websites I've looked into it more in terms of how I can have it as a valid and stable career option. I think that with everyone's dream, there's always going to be that central ambitious path that leads to the desired career, and we can't just mock or give up on those ideas or desires, because they are essentially what represent us, as individuals. It's far from naive to believe we can succeed in getting to where we want as along that central path there's always smaller things that can keep you stable while you progress. No-one ever said achieving dreams is a simple and overnight thing - that's more naive, but there's nothing wrong in keeping you're dream going until you reach it. Like with writing, yeah it's true I'm not gonna write a book, get it published and have my life sorted, for one thing its unlikely that publishing would be that easy and even if it got that stage life wouldn't be financially stable at that point. So I could start off becoming a journalist (entertainment content not news) which then along with this blog which I want to continue for ages to come, will promote my name, so if it does come to me getting a book published the name might mean something to even just a small minority of previous readers. A stable job that is more likely to let you survive and keep going, relevant to your desired career, is probably an extremely essential thing, as it allows you to keep positive and optimistic and still be in a career that revolves around a part of your life you're passionate about. I know even at this age, that if you have something small that you're passionate about, you're a lot more likely to cope through trickier situations within your life, and fearing the future is ... natural but really not conducive, so why not look forward to it if you can?!

Appreciation and Self-Comprehension.

It's that time again, another sentimental blog post is here; Appreciation and Self-Comprehension, what do I mean? Well appreciation in general, but more specifically of those around you and the situations available to you, and then Self-Comprehension; understanding ones own changes and positives, and in some ways their negatives in order to improve. I think it's probably best to start with this idea of a better comprehension of oneself, both are really equally connected anyway! So, as humans I think it's fair to say some of our most common traits are self consciousness and a natural sort of blindness to our own behaviour, good or bad. As natural as these traits are they can be rather destructive if they are continuous, if we allow ourselves to become over self-conscious and not realise the potential or positives within us then we not only manage to destroy ourselves in various different ways, but in turn we can often hurts those we care about because of varying reasons. Some of these reasons could be that we envy them for not being self-conscious (whether they are or not is irrelevant, because we can't see it, and in that state, blindness to oneself and others is way too common) We think that we do not deserve them and that we are insignificant in comparison or that they do not like us and are just hiding it (mainly paranoia, but paranoia is often caused by consciousness). For us to carry on life in a conducive and healthy manner we have to take control of these, we have to make sure we treat those we care about in the best way possible (it made be hard while having all these thoughts and ideas about what they might think of you but the truth is they are the main people that can help you out of it) and this is where self-comprehension comes in.
Once in a while, especially if you're feeling depressed or down in any sense of the word it is important to take a moment to comprehend who you are as a person; whether its negative or positive. I've said before in previous posts that realising the good in yourself; whether its big or small is essential to getting better, and it is but if you do not know how to get better and still are feeling negative about yourself, then you need to work out what it is you do not like, if there is quite a few things then narrow them down to 1 or 2 that you feel are actually a problem. Then it only remains to make sure that the problem is a literal problem that will get in the way of interacting with others or in the way of the rest of your life, then simply find a solution to it; it's not always easy but its necessary, whether it takes you a while or not, I can guarantee it is a fantastic feeling to finally fix it, improving these 'negatives' should be handled in a gradual manner as well, slowly find a way to become better, if you rush into changing yourself you could make yourself worse.
I am becoming aware of the length of this post so I'm going to move quickly onto appreciation, this isn't too long because in all honesty it's not particular hard to explain. Basically, when you're in a bad state such as you may be when self-conscious (it applies to most things but, this is one of the most common things) you can often forget about the help those around you actually give you. For example if someone is in a state whether it is volatile and dangerous or relatively passive and merely just a little sad, simply just having good friends who are there to listen or to just distract you without even knowing it (as is often the case) then it is utterly incredible to getting better. Recognise who is there for you, appreciate their existence, and do not lose them. At the same time do not lose yourself in the process of getting better, understand your qualities and probably one of the most important points, and the one I'm going to end on; Do not fear time, things vary, getting better can take years, and similarly it can take mere days.

Gabrielle Aplin - An Underrated Music Genius

Yet again I found myself struggling to think of something to write about, and yet my mind didn't quite click to the fact my day has been a rather Gabrielle Aplin obsessed day, just working, milling around, endlessly strolling through Facebook and watching vines, all of which with the soundtrack of either Paolo Nutini or Gabrielle Aplin, and as much as I love Paolo Nutini, I have so much musical love for Gabrielle Aplin, right now. Every so often I just sit around listening to music, and enjoying the melodic tone of it, but there are days like today where I can do nothing but focus on the lyrics within a song, and appreciate them to their max, look them up and rejoice/cry over their genius. As much as Gabrielle is able to be appreciated as a musician to purely listen to in the background, I think its undeniable that once you hear just what she is saying you will also become even more obsessed than you may have previously been. Seriously this girl, and any other co-writers she works with have such a fantastic mind, the songs More Than Friends, Please Don't Say You Love Me and Salvation are 3 I especially love, here's just an example of how good these lyrics are;

More Than Friends:

"Let's stay awake for hours, just like we did back then. When you draw pictures on my hand in permanent marker pen. We watch the sun go down, but never fee the end. Cause I know the sun and darkness are more than friends" - The song is called More than Friends and to not mention the title until the description of 'Sun and Darkness' as being more than friends is just so lovely, it's a perfect way to write this kind of song without making overly predictable lyrics or cliche things, the song is beautiful and well written.

Please Don't Say You Love Me:

"Just please don't say you love me, cause I might not say it back, doesn't mean my heart stops skipping when you look at me like that, there's no need to worry when you see just where we're at, just please don't say you love me, cause I might not say it back" - I'm not even sure what I like about this in particular, it's just writing dealt with in a such a smooth manner, that makes even the most masculine butch man break down into a little "aww" even if it's inside hidden underneath...deep deep down underneath.

Salvation:

" I never meant to fall for you but I was buried underneath and all I could see was white, my salvation." - Again I'm not 100% sure what it is about this lyric, but it just seems so slick, this person who has fallen without agenda and can only 'see white' their 'salvation' is just perfect and realistic, compared to other overly flowery and a little fairytale-ish songs.

I guess the point in this blog was A) To have another post this week B) To say how much Gabrielle Aplin so awesome and C) To tell anyone who sees this to go and listen to some darn Gabrielle Aplin!! I have to stress these songs are not the only good ones, I have not found one of her songs that hasn't been good, these were just 3 of my favourites. She is utterly brilliant, and her remake of The Power of Love (Featured on John Lewis) shows just how good she is. Awesome. So good.

Til next time ,y'all.

Moving Out and Homeware Shopping

As I continue this blog if you keep reading you will realise that there are 3 types of shopping I really enjoy; Clothes, Entertainment (Books, Music, DVDs) and Home-ware. As I approach the end of the spring term of my freshers year here at Uni, I'm feeling super excited for moving out of campus accommodation and into a house with 3 of my wonderful current flatmates, as I thought of how we were going to be decorating the place to our own styles I realised....my bedroom here is a mess, and I haven't done much to it...this of course  gave me an excuse to shop for home-ware! So I sat on the sofa and looked up B&Q (As there is a shop about 5 minutes walk from us) and specifically looked at storage towers because it was the best thing for keeping my bedroom tidy and organised, once I worked out the stuff I was looking for, myself and my friend (who will be in the new house) headed out to B&Q. It's fair to say we were in our element, I don't go to shops like this too often because in the simplest terms... I never really have an excuse to... And so we walked around, mouths open at the large selection of awesome looking canvas', gimmicky ornaments, lights, storage units, and general decorative thingamajigs, we once again realised just how excited we were to move out and start decorating the new place. So as not to get overly excited with it all we stuck to our original plans which was to focus more on things we could do with now, so I got myself a nice desk lamp (simple black head and silver body) - Lamp: £6 Bulb: £4, a surprisingly large (tall and wide!) storage tower, very minimalistic and very practical, simple black outer frame and transparent boxes which came to £18, an absolute bargain for the size! and after having a look around Tesco for other different things I got some new Duvet covers and pillowcases (because my previous ones didn't close at the end, so silly!) which rounded in at £8! I got home and instantly went upstairs to put it all in place, tidied my bedroom spotlessly, put posters that had fallen down back up and bish bash bosh my bedroom looks lovely again...needless to say I'm still going to be working out and browsing online for things to buy for moving out.AGAIN needless to say I will be posting non stop pictures and writing....mainly pictures of the new house and decorating.

Post-Graduation and Travel (More Entertaining than it sounds, I promise)

Picture the scene; I'm sitting on one of the sofas at Uni with no-one around, enjoying the wonder of only having 1 lecture, which at that point had been done and dusted, then one of my flatmates comes down and we enter the dark and mysterious world of discussing 'Post-Graduation' and the speed of Uni. Part of the reason we began this discussion is because its nearing the end of the spring term and only having 1 term left of the entire freshers year seems...well....incredible and daunting. Nevertheless it got me thinking, with nearly 2 years left (the speed of which, judging by this year is likely to zoom past) What is my post-BachelorOfArts-graduation plan? and if I'm truly honest I'm rather undecided right now. I'm not saying that once someone has been in Uni for a year it is imperative that they have a 50 year plan, but I like to know what I'm doing, and it's a little disillusioning when I'm left without too much clarity as to my future plans. So, as much as I comprehend the fact that having too many choices as to where my career and life is heading is actually quite freeing and exciting, I still want to lay down some metaphorical paving stones in the way of prospective possibilities. My  'paving stones' or Paving Stones of Resolution as I'm going to call them because it just sounds cool, similar to New Years Resolution (but it's past that so yeah, lets just create something fun and original) are as follows;

• Blog more (I know I've mentioned in at least 3 of the previous 20 posts that I'll try to write more, and I just  get caught up in other stuff, but I really feel it would aid my personal sanity and from a more professional perspective; it'll help develop my writing style, so hopefully I'll write at least 1-2 times a week if not more)
• Pictures - This is a bit of an extension to the above Paving Stone of Resolution but I want to start adding pictures to my blogs, even if they are only slightly linked to the post I'd still like to do it, to give this relatively blank blog a more personal and attractive touch. (The picture in this post is of a fairly small Ferris Wheel in the centre of Paris - truly one of my favourite times, only there a week but it was incredible)
• Relax (Not much explanation needed. Stress is not fun, take own advice.)
• Look into Travel

Aaaaaaand that last Paving Stone creates a nice little segway into the next point; Travel. Travel, travel, travel, what do I actually mean? and why has it taken so long for me to get to this point? Well after the little discussion with my flatmate, I also thought about the idea of travelling, whether its to a couple of countries or even more, I've always wanted to do it! Does it or will it conflict with possibility of graduate study? Weeeell for now I don't care! In my opinion, it's not going to conflict with anything because whether I do it before I do post-graduate studies or when I'm going through some mid-life crisis I intend to do it! So now we've settled on if when I travel matters to me, lets go to where...For me, France has always been a personal obsession for me, I've been twice with my last school (1 day trip to Boulogne-sur-mer and a week trip to Paris) but I absolutely love it, and even if my 'travelling' was simply raising enough money and funding myself to be able to rent out a house in the South of France and stay there for a few months just writing and getting inspiration, that would be a dream/goal fulfilled. Places like Greece, America and Italy are also places I'd love to go, it doesn't have to be for too long, or to too many places, but what I'd like to end this post on, similar to my previous post on dreams and goals, if you sincerely have a dream (like to travel to [insertwishfulplace]) then you'll raise the money, and you'll have the drive for it. I will travel at some point, and that's not taking into consideration any possible monetary positives or negatives, it's because I want to. Don't be telling yourself you cant do what you want! YOU CAN. DO IT. NOW....well maybe not now, depends what you're doing. Can do if you want, why not?!