Change. That is one of the main words I would use in relation to this past year, change and difference, a lot of my own personal morals, traditions, routines, feelings, concepts, wishes have completely changed, and I have been made to contemplate a lot. This is not a bad thing, trust me, sometimes we all NEED that change, we can be stuck in a position where we follow what we believe is the 'right way' or the 'only way' when in fact its purely 'your way' which can be changed, and doesn't have to be as set in concrete as you make it out to be. Just the same as you can sometimes be lead by 'others way' which is a set of feelings or morals that are molded to you by others who you respect, but may not respect and fool you into thinking their way is the best way. I'll start with a little warning though, despite the greatness and real benefit that comes from such a change, because you find yourself contemplating so much, if you don't handle stress very well it can be ... tricky, so take it slow and don't over-think everything, believe me its dangerous.
Personally, I've always been terrible at controlling my stress in difficult situations, so this year having a lot of things to think about, to do with old friends, new friends, very old past events, who I am as I person and of course exams and getting into Uni, I found myself having quite a few panic attacks whether its within stressful situations, at one point it was when everything was completely silent, and the worst one was simply when I was thinking way too much and being paranoid, my panic attacks were never awful, and the worst one I had was on and off for about 10 minutes, so I had about 3 seperate panic attacks in that time ending with me just breaking down and leaving the room with a friend of mine, but they're still tiring and upsetting. Some of the closest friends I have now I met in November, which included one of my best friends, who had showed me quite a few YouTubers that she watched and who wrote blogs, and did vlogs, one of these was Zoella; http://www.zoella.co.uk/ (Check her out, and look at her YouTube aswell)
Now normally I probably wouldn't have strolled upon Zoella, as the majority of her blogs are to do with Fashion and Beauty, but I'm glad I did, as she's a very funny person, and her videos are great, one particular video, along with support from friends helped a lot, this video was about Panic Attacks and how she dealt with them and her own experiences, watching that video made me feel a lot better about what I was going through, and how I could help myself. (Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-iNOFD27G4&hd=1)
Even just this, and seeing how my new friends helped me so much, made a lot of difference to that year, despite having a couple of friends that I've known for a long time, and have always been good to me, there was always a few friends that just made me feel unhappy with who I was, and to come in this new group and lose the ones that gave me that feeling made such a difference. Essentially I jumped into something I was completely unsure about, I got rid of friends, which is always a daunting thing for me, and I came into another group with a few friends and tried to make friends with pretty much complete strangers, and now I feel soooo much better. Which is the same with the whole year, and Uni, I've made a conscious effort to jump to a zone where I am uncomfortable, and to open my horizons, listen to my new friends thoughts and tried to understand what I never grasped before. So, if you've managed to keep with me all the way through this looong post, then I apologise for the length, I thank you for your patience, and I guess what the real purpose of this post was to explain how my year has been, and to tell others that have been in a similar mindset or situation to me that the idea of going into something that's 'unfamiliar' or 'uncomfortable' but might have good results, is one to be embraced, and basically go for it, don't hold back. I have never felt as happy and as content with who I am, as I do now, honestly there's still a few things that mess with my brain, but that's how it goes, and there is such a massive difference to how I was at the start of the year. So I'm going to finish this sentimental and extremely long blog, by being even more sentimental and thanking my friends for being so darn awesome, and to Zoella for posting that video, and making a difference to my view on my panic attacks. Phew. Blog over.
Seriously, congratulations if you made it this far, and I hope I might have helped a little.
Also just to add, I know this might be a little heavy for a 9th Blog plost, but I feel like If I'm going to continue with this blog, I should get the ball really rolling and one of the best ways of doing that is by having passion, and to write about something that has made such a difference to me, makes me passionate about this blog. I respect that I don't have a large audience but if this helps anyone, then hip hip hooray! I always found myself wandering onto random blogs and things to try and help me.
Anyway go and listen to Stevie Wonder or some Chubby Checker, be happy.
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